Shadow Work for Women: 3 Questions to Heal and Reclaim Your Power
Hello Cool-Girls ! When we think of success as a woman, we instantly think of the dream life, the dream wardrobe, the dream job, the dream house and the dream family. This is the aspirational exterior, the beautiful and desirable façade some long for. But beneath the “bling-bling” lies immense hard work and, more importantly, struggle and resilience. Success isn’t simply about getting an education, finding a job and making money. We often forget to mention that the most important work a woman will ever have to undertake in her life to achieve fulfillment is her inner transformation. It is a solitary journey that can be challenging, which is why shadow work for women is essential. This is the work that will free you from your baggage and guide you toward the life you have always dreamed of. To fully radiate this powerful presence, it is time to uncover the secrets. Together, let’s discover the 8 shadow work questions that could help you become the woman you have always wanted to be.
Shadow Work for Women: Do You See the Glass as Half Empty?
The first step of shadow work for women is understanding how much our upbringing shapes our current reality. When we arrive on Earth, we are not all born with the same deck of cards. You can be raised by parents who see the glass as half full. Just as you can be raised by parents who see it as half empty. In the latter case, your childhood is filled with a set of beliefs about money, success and work. It sounds a lot like this:
- You dream too much.
- Get your head out of the clouds.
- If you do well in school, you’ll get a good job later.
- Money doesn’t grow on trees.
- Find a stable job.
- Investing is too risky.
- Rich people are dishonest.
1. Validate the Scarcity Survival Mechanism
By hearing these phrases over and over, we end up internalizing these beliefs as absolute truths, which can lead us to make unhelpful choices. This is precisely where shadow work for women becomes a game-changer. As a result, we start life one step behind those raised by parents who see the glass as half full… But let’s not be fatalistic! There is good news: we can catch up to that train and even overtake it by changing our mindset. It it is never too late.
I think the first thing to realize in order to change your beliefs is to validate them first. If your parents told you these things, it’s because their glass really was half empty. Even while it was half full for others at that exact same time. These two realities have coexisted since the dawn of time. And if they see the glass as half empty, it’s because they’ve seen it empty more often than full. When you’ve experienced scarcity, it triggers a survival mechanism that forces you to be hyper-vigilant and to focus on “securing” that half-empty glass rather than capitalizing on it.
2. Celebrate the Small Victories
The second thing to realize is that even if you have also known that empty glass, you are still allowed to see it as half full when it actually is. Not because you want to forget that it can be empty, but precisely because you’ve managed to regulate your nervous system and appreciate how far you’ve come. Even if it’s just a full fridge, it’s a victory and a stepping stone toward the life of your dreams.
This dream life should be your point of reference, not your starting point. But that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate what you have right now and what you’ve accomplished since. It’s all a matter of balance. If you focus only on what you haven’t achieved yet, you put yourself in the exact same mindset of scarcity as when you had nothing, and you will never be satisfied in life. This is what we call greed. Because yes, you can be a multi-millionaire and still see the glass as half empty ! There will always be someone with a bigger house, a nicer watch, and so on.
To avoid this trap, there is no ready-made solution, but you can start by defining your success as a passion pursued rather than a status achieved. For instance, you can dream of owning your time and building a project, rather than trying to make it into the top 10 richest people.
Heal your Body: A Crucial Step in Shadow Work for Women
Do you tend to push your body to its limits ? You neglect your sleep, put off doctor’s appointments, and ignore recurring aches and pains, thinking they will just go away on their own. But these daily ailments that pile up are warning signs your body is sending you. In some cases, they are the physical manifestation of things your mind hasn’t yet managed to accept. Ignoring them instead of listening to them is the ultimate recipe for your system to collapse sooner or later.
I think the society we live in plays a major role in this behavior:
- Many are in daily survival mode, and listening to their body has become a luxury.
- Others feel a sense of guilt at the mere thought of taking a break because they’ve been told their worth lies in their productivity.
- Some think they are invincible, chasing success for so long that they no longer know how to stop.
It is important to know which category you fall into to successfully overcome this challenge, because the solution won’t be the same.
1. Are you in survival mode?
There are plenty of reasons why you might be in survival mode on a daily basis: a highly precarious situation, a stressful job or a nervous system that has been dysregulated for years.
It’s pretty simple to know if you are in survival mode: you never stop. You go through your days like a robot. You feel like you’re driven by a motor and when you try to sit down for five minutes, you can’t relax, your mind races with your worries and your to-do list. The problem here runs deep: you can meditate all you want, but your brain is on constant high alert and prevents you from grounding yourself. It senses danger or at least thinks there is danger.
The solution here won’t be found in introspection, but in action ! Whether that means learning to set boundaries within your environment or finding a way to leave it. It could also mean consulting a mental health professional to find the keys to a regulated nervous system.
2. How much of your worth do you attach to your productivity?
In modern society, it is easy to tie your worth to your productivity. When we meet someone, the first thing they ask is what we do for a living. If you don’t have a job, some people look at you with less respect. Our contribution to society heavily influences our self-esteem.
You might also grow up in a family where relaxation is viewed negatively, where you are labeled as lazy the moment you take a break. If that was the case, you might feel guilty today during moments of calm. No one is there telling you to get moving, yet inside you feel like you’re doing something wrong. The issue is, if you aren’t capable of resting, how can you listen to the other signals your body is sending?
In this scenario, the biggest step is becoming aware of the role your environment played in your relationship with your body. Once you break the belief that you are only worth what you produce, you will gradually reconnect with your body. You will realize that you deserve to rest and simply exist without continually having to prove your worth.
3. Do you think you are invincible?
When you are a young woman full of ambition, it’s easy to think you are invincible. You have this plan in your head to achieve your wildest dreams, and you put everything else on hold, especially your health. You tell yourself that you are young and need to take advantage of this vitality and you’re not wrong… But this vitality isn’t infinite and it can drain much faster than you might think.
Contrary to what social media wants you to believe, unless you get extremely lucky, success in most cases isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. And to finish it, you need endurance ! You won’t get far if you are disconnected from your body. So, how do you reconnect with it ? Slow down! When you live an intense lifestyle, you send a message to your body saying, “Not now.” Aches and pains come and go. Then, the moment you finally take a vacation, you get sick because your body finally feels “safe” enough to tell you it’s not doing well.
Unfortunately, we can’t go on vacation every other week, but we can recreate that sense of safety so that our body can reclaim its space in our lives. For example, you could dedicate Sundays to your well-being (check out my article on this topic).
Reconnecting with your body also means listening to it daily, which looks like:
- Consulting your doctor if you feel something concerning.
- Scheduling your annual health check-ups: dentist, gynecologist, etc.
- Nourishing your body with real, healthy food (not by obsessively counting calories, but by giving it the fuel it actually needs).
- Paying attention to the products you put on your skin: it absorbs everything. Watch out for endocrine disruptors in cosmetics and, if needed, use apps like Yuka to guide you toward safer choices.
Shadow Work Women: Are You the Only Master of your Life
You may have noticed as you grew up that people tend to have expectations of you: your parents, your teachers, your friends… Often, these expectations reflect their own personal perspectives, they want for you what they want for themselves. And more often than not, they tend to compare you to others , a sibling, a classmate, a colleague, as if your worth could be measured against someone else’s. But you are your own person, with your own unique qualities, strengths and dreams.
(Click to read Do Not Compare Yourself to Others: Here’s Why to understand why staying true to yourself is the most powerful choice you can make.)
As we grow, we often want to please those around us, sometimes to the point of embracing choices others want for us. This is exactly what defines a people-pleaser. In this journey of shadow work women must confront this trap : the more you try to make decisions based on what others want, the further you drift away from who you really are.
This can be a tragic situation, as some people end up living someone else’s life and feel deeply unhappy. You need to learn to be selfish when it comes to your choices right now ! Live for yourself !
You only have one life. Make sure it counts for you and reflects who you truly are.
It may sound cliché, but you only have one life. Make sure it counts for you and reflects who you truly are. That’s what a successful life really means.
Final Thoughts
I don’t pretend to say that these questions will heal you, but rather they should be seen as potential areas of shadow work for women. The idea is to open one or more doors depending on your life experience to finally reclaim your true power.
