How to Love Yourself ?
Hello everyone! We are never really taught how to live in harmony with ourselves. From a very young age, we are made to understand that our identity must fade in favor of society’s expectations. I’m not only talking about the unrealistic beauty standards imposed on us, but also the social norms we are expected to follow in order to “fit in.”It is by trying to conform to all these external standards that we can develop a conflicted relationship with ourselves, especially if no one at home teaches us how to cultivate self-love.
That’s when we begin comparing ourselves to strangers we see on social media. Our body isn’t thin enough, our nose isn’t refined enough, our house isn’t big enough. When we chase perfection, achieving self-love becomes a mirage. Sometimes, this difficulty in accepting ourselves comes from the criticism we receive from others, criticism that targets our personality and our way of being. We’re too loud, too assertive…
As children, our self-perception is still fragile and we tend to internalize these criticisms, even if it means diminishing ourselves just to be accepted.This is how many people reach adulthood hating themselves, because they were made to believe that their authenticity was a problem. They end up living a life that isn’t truly theirs, because they are not being themselves. Reconnecting with one’s true self then appears to be the path toward self-love. I’m going to give you 8 keys to learn how to love yourself.
1. Embrace your Natural Features/ Quirks
Learning to appreciate my natural features and quirks has been the hardest step after spending years trying to change myself. When you’ve built your identity around hiding certain traits, seeing your natural reflection can feel like meeting someone you tried to erase.
What helped me the most was changing the way I used social media. I realized how much the content we consume shapes our subconscious and how influencers often sell carefully curated illusions that reinforce narrow beauty standards. So I unfollowed accounts that made me feel inadequate and replaced them with creators who embraced authenticity.
For example, I used to straighten my naturally curly hair because it felt like the standard. During Covid, I started following “Curly Girl Method” accounts, which helped me rediscover my curls and learn how to care for them.
I then applied this approach more broadly: unfollowing overly polished influencers and choosing creators who shared their real selves, their passions, their differences, their highs and lows.
And it worked. I still have things I’d like to improve, butI no longer want to become someone else. Instead, I try to highlight what I already have and see my quirks as strengths. My standards no longer come from the outside. I am my own reference point and my personal work now focuses on healing not on fitting imposed norms. I call this my practice ofpositive self-referentiality.
2. Play Sports for the Love of it not the Body Shape
Regular physical activity has many benefits for both our body and our mind; it keeps us in shape and helps us maintain a positive mood. But its growing popularity has also come with the rise of a certain body cult which, while not inherently problematic, can lead to harmful behaviors. We now see trends like “body goals” and “summer body” becoming widespread on social media, contributing to a new pressure to meet beauty standards. Sport is then presented as the means to achieve these standards and for some vulnerable individuals, this can turn into an obsession.
You no longer go to the gym for enjoyment, but because you feel you must reach this body goal to finally be happy. And as you can guess, that body will never feel like enough. You push your limits further, turn to even more restrictive cutting diets and ultimately struggle even more to accept yourself as you are.
This is why, if you feel that your relationship with sport has become anxiety-inducing, it’s important to take a step back. Ask yourself whether you still find pleasure in your practice or if social pressure has taken over entirely.It may help to temporarily switch to sports where the body cult is less present and where, for example, teamwork or technical skills are prioritized. Maybe there’s a sport you’re passionate about that you’d like to reconnect with. If so, that’s an excellent way to rebuild a healthier relationship with your body and to learn how to love yourself.
3. Learn a Skill to Gain Confidence and Learn How to Love Yourself
Sometimes, when nothing is going right in our lives, we tend to feel worthless, to feel like we’re good for nothing. We’re often our own harshest judge. And the only thing that keeps us connected to our sanity is having a skill that gives us confidence. A skill isn’t innate, we may have potential, but it takes experience to fully master it. Dedicating time to developing a skill has many benefits: first, it gives us a sense of accomplishment, but it also teaches us resilience. When we learn something new, the path can be full of obstacles, but through perseverance we learn to pick ourselves back up.
There are several types of skills that can help build self-confidence. I divide them into three categories:
Oral expression (theatre, debating, public speaking, making TikToks, singing, learning a new language)
Written expression (writing, poetry, creative expression, photography, painting, learning an instrument)
Physical expression (dance, martial arts, self-defence)
What’s helpful is that mastering any one of these skills can be useful both in your professional life and in your social life.
4. Make the Best of Daily Affirmations
Daily affirmations are a real tool when you’re at your lowest and don’t know where to start to pull yourself out. When we’re feeling down, we’re often our own worst enemy and we have a negative view of ourselves. And to break out of this vicious cycle, we often need a little push.
Positive affirmations are a way to reprogram our subconscious; it’s about transforming the negative into the positive through repetition. For example, by saying out loud every morning: “I am capable,” “I am confident,” etc. On the first day it feels ridiculous, on the second day you feel neutral and on the third day you start believing it.
YouTube is a very useful platform for finding affirmation videos. You can choose the theme you want to work on because the possibilities are endless. Over time, you’ll discover which shadow areas you want to work on and you’ll be able to write your own personalized affirmations. You can read my daily affirmation article if the theme you choose is working on your fears by clicking HERE.
5. Cut off People Who Secretly Hate You
Our “enemies” are sometimes closer than we think, they can be part of our family, our close circle of friends or even our partner. The people we spend time with have a huge impact on our lives. We spend time with them, we ask for their advice and we care deeply about what they say. And this is how, for years, we can be negatively influenced by these people without realizing the damage until it’s too late. Our confidence has already taken a hit because we took their criticisms as absolute truth.
That’s why it’s important to listen to your intuition.How do you feel after spending time with a certain person ? Do they spend more time criticizing you than supporting you ? Do you feel like you’re never enough ? Then there may be a problem and taking a step back from the relationship might be worth considering. Because even if you love yourself, when you hear constant external criticism every day, you eventually get affected by it. So imagine the result if you’re already struggling to accept yourself…
6. Start Counting your Victories
When you are an overachiever or a perfectionist, you tend to jump straight to the next goal. When you reach a milestone, you no longer take the time to savor the achievement and more importantly, you don’t allow yourself to enjoy the moment of rest that follows. You are already thinking about the next step, keeping yourself in a constant race that inevitably leads to exhaustion. And when the necessary period of “downtime” arrives, needed to regain strength or simply to reflect, you feel useless.
In this performance-driven society, we have stopped existing outside of what we accomplish, instead of simply being. That is why it is important, during these moments of pause, to take stock of the path we have traveled. And above all, to see how both positive and negative experiences have shaped the person we have become. Let’s start celebrating our victories, even those that happened long ago. Because the person you are today was the dream of your past self.
Acknowledging your victories is also about recognizing the power of hard work and manifestation when life feels stagnant. It is about understanding that life is always moving, even when it feels like you are regressing. If you have manifested something once, then you can manifest anything you want in your life.
7. Dress Up to Learn How to Love Yourself
When we go through a complicated period in our life, we tend to lose the energy to take care of ourselves. We stop showering, stop brushing our teeth, so making ourselves look nice isn’t even on the table.
The problem is that when we don’t feel good in our own skin, seeing our reflection in the mirror when we haven’t been taking care of ourselves doesn’t help. This isn’t about forcing yourself to dress up every day, it’s about reminding yourself who you are, just once.
Take a shower, pamper yourself, put on your favorite outfit and your favorite perfume and look at yourself in the mirror. It might seem a bit superficial at first, but the focus here is on the act of self-care rather than the image you project to the world.
Making yourself look good is an act of love, it’s a whole ritual. It’s a moment fully dedicated to yourself: you awaken your senses when you use scents you love, you take care of your health when you maintain your hygiene and when you wear clothes you’ve chosen, you proudly wear your identity. When you do your makeup, you highlight the things you like about yourself. There’s something magical about this ritual that makes you feel good. So try it and tell me if you feel better afterward.
8. Start to Be Kind with Yourself
I know that you are a truly kind person in everyday life. When someone you care about needs advice or a boost of encouragement, you are always there. You have a way of finding the right words and it brings you joy to see others smile.
So tell me, why are you so hard on yourself ? Don’t you deserve the same empathy and patience that you so freely give to others ? You treat people with kindness because you know they need it and the truth is, you need it too.
From today onward, give yourself the same kindness you would give to someone you love:
- Stop being so judgmental with yourself when things don’t go perfectly or when you make mistakes.
- Take care of your body and mind when they need it.
- Ask for help when you feel stuck or overwhelmed.
- Be patient with yourself when progress is slow or your energy is low.
- Follow the advice you would give to others and choose your words about yourself with care.
Life is hard enough, don’t make it harder by working against yourself.
