How to Take Back Your Power by ” Decentering Men ” ?
Hello Cool-Girls ! Following challenging events worldwide these last months for women, a new movement started to rise on Tiktok among feminists content creators. It is called “decentering men“. This american movement takes its roots with the 4B movement that was created in South Korea in response to the oppression and violence of a patriarcal system deeply ingrained there. The 4B movement follows 4 principles that starts with the korean word bi” (비), meaning “no”: no dating, no marriage, no sex, no children.
1. The roots of the ” Decentering men ” movement
The movement of “decentering men” has intensified following the victory of the Republican presidential candidate in the 2024 US election. His win amplified women’s fears, particularly regarding the future of reproductive rights. Indeed, following the overturning of Roe v. Wade on June 24, 2022, by a 6-3 conservative majority, 12 states have completely banned abortion.
Since Trump’s election, American women have feared that all states will extend this ban and that lawmakers will threaten other reproductive rights, such as access to contraception, protection against coerced sterilization, access to reproductive care and the right to neutral information about reproductive choices.
This movement is no longer merely activism; it has become a crucial measure of self-preservation, essential for women’s safety. Indeed according a 2024 study from the Gender Equity Policy Institute published by NBC news, “From 2019 to 2022, the rate of maternal mortality cases in Texas rose by 56%, compared with just 11% nationwide during the same time period”.
2. What really means ” Decentering Men “
a. The Misunderstanding
Critics, especially conservatives, often attack this movement because it challenges the social, cultural and economic model that gives men disproportionate power. Some interpret the name literally, as if feminists are trying to “exclude men” or flip oppression the other way around.
But here’s the irony: that fear itself reveals how well they understand the oppression women already face. If they worry about being “decentered,” it’s because they recognize just how much society is currently centered around them.
b. The Reality
Decentering men doesn’t seem to be about erasing men from women’s lives. It’s about rejecting a system that constantly asks women to shrink, serve or sacrifice for male comfort. The world they no longer want is one created exclusively for the interests of men, at the expense of women.
On paper, women in many countries now share the same rights as men. But in daily life,they’re still weighed down by unequal “duties”. Centuries of patriarchal conditioning have made these expectations feel normal for both women and men.
This invisible web of “shoulds”keeps women from fully exercising the rights they technically already have. It’s less about laws now and more about the subtle ways society still tells women to serve, sacrifice or step back.
Example of Critiques that Center Men
- You’re selfish for not wanting children.
- You don’t want to get married ? You’ll change your mind later.
- You let your husband take care of the kids ?
- You’re too picky !
- A man doesn’t want a woman with a high “body count”.
- Men prefer women who don’t wear makeup.
- You’re too smart, it intimidates men.
Criticisms like these aren’t harmless, they’re tactics. They guilt women into centering their choices around men instead of their own needs and aspirations every time she choose herself.
To decenter men is to recognize one’s own desires and refocus on oneself.
These expectations don’t exist for men and as long as they persist for women, true equality will remain out of reach.
3. How to Take back Your power ?
“Decentering men” is a philosophy that unfolds in two stages:
- Awakening: Recognizing the ways patriarchy shapes your life.
- Liberation: Freeing yourself from its constraints to reclaim your freewill.
A. Awakening
By contrast, these aren’t the overt norms that the fight for women’s rights largely eradicated in the last century, such as the belief that women must submit to their husbands, avoid working, or belong in the kitchen. Instead, we’re talking about subtler, more insidious norms that deepen gender inequalities and sustain the systemic oppression of women.
Fairy tales about princesses and princes instill these subtle yet harmful norms in children from a young age. A common thread runs through these stories: they revolve around princes, positioning them as the focal point of the princesses’ lives. This narrative often sidelines the importance of practicing self-love and building a sense of self-worth independent of romantic relationships. Among these narratives, several damaging illusions emerge.
Harmful Narratives Imposed on Young Girls
- That a charming prince will save them.
- That women must accept violence in the name of love.
- That women must sacrifice themselves for love.
- That they must be chosen rather than being able to choose.
- That a persistent prince is a deserving prince.
- That her beauty is her greatest asset.
- That her suffering is noble and inevitable.
- That her ultimate goal is to marry and have many children.
These enchanting stories profoundly shape children’s understanding of love, serving as their first exposure to romantic ideals. The problem is that these aren’t just innocent fairy tales, they are illusions that movies, books, art and everyday social interactions perpetuate and reinforce well into adulthood.
This isn’t about dismissing these works but rather acknowledging them for what they are: products of their time, reflecting ideas that no longer fit the world we’re building.
b. Liberation
If you’ve made it this far, you may have started to understandhow what remains of the patriarchal society continues to steal your free will every day. And that legal equality is only part of the path toward women’s liberation. To honor the struggles of our grandmothers, it’s important to recognize that “the war” isn’t over. We must pass on to our childrens a world where their gender will not put them in danger.
A large part of our responsibility today is not only to strengthen what we’ve already gained but also to do some “internal” work, to identify the areas of our lives where patriarchy still holds influence: our love lives, how we raise our children (both boys and girls), our life choices and our beliefs. Collectively, we must heal in order to reclaim our power, the power to shape our lives as we see fit and to reject any life that doesn’t align with our truth.
How to Take Back your Power ?
I’ve included here a few lines of reflection you can use in your own journey back to free will:
- Put yourself at the center of your life.
- Let go of internal guilt for prioritizing yourself.
- Understand that no one is coming to save you.
- Never accept violence or any kind of abuse in the name of love.
- Never sacrifice your dreams for a man.
- Understand that you are the only master of your life.
- Realize that putting your needs first is just an act of self-love.
- Never lower your standards due to social pressure.
- Understand that not all men deserve your attention.
- Realize that your strength lies in the ability to say no to suffering.
- Realize that your worth is not measured by your appearance, but by the strength of your mind.
- Understand that your ultimate goal is the one you choose.
